"This life feels possible, viable, or even preferable. About 7-8 months into my affair my boyfriend confronts me about the second instance of cheating, I deny it initially until he admits he's read my texts. Last medically reviewed on March 30, 2020. For instance, maybe your partners snoring makes you so frustrated that you constantly pick fights because of it. Thats the only way you will be credible and your ex will be able to tell the difference! Doing these things could really reduce your anxiety and make life easier for you. I didn't have the balls to stand up and break up with him and take a stand when it mattered. Then I went and cheated on a guy that only ever wanted to make me smile. TL;DR: I'm depressed. If you suffer from depression or anxiety, you may blame your partner for trivial things that he cant even control. It's been 2 years since the breakup and I still have this hate towards my ex. He fell for me instantly and I eventually fell for his charm and warmth. Allow me to explain: I have a fur baby who has been in my life for the last six years. And, if both of you have decided to live together, he can live his way too. Scan this QR code to download the app now. I coach tons of people who havent spoken to their ex in months; having that communication platform is a huge advantage and you can make the most of it by proving to your ex that you are beginning to change and that the breakup is a huge mistake! I (22F) hate my boyfriend (24M) of two years. Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our SoundCloud page. I addressed his concerns and he seemed okay for a few days but then he started getting angrier more often. The same goes for him because youre in this together and you both need to work on your relationship. If youre trying to manage these issues, or any other mental health symptoms, working with a therapist can help. This should raise a flag or two. You need to be patient and understand each others needs and wants. Maybe you never even truly liked him to begin with. Even trivial things like these could evoke hatred toward your boyfriend if youre a highly sensitive person. We said we wanted to marry each other probably a month and a half into dating. A healthy relationship is about both people having a life outside of the relationship as well. C and I started off just friends but eventually we got very close, and would talk on the phone for hours. For about a year I have been very unhappy. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. I don't want this thread to turn into a vilification of me for not liking cats and I don't want the situation itself to become "the cats go or I go". Listen to the way you're discussing your partner. Still, you may not want to act immediately on these negative thoughts or feelings. Dear Meredith, I'm new to Love Letters and found you through a co-worker. What works for you? The resentment in the latter statement is palpable, and indicates disengagement from the partnership." 12 Tips for When You Feel Like You Hate Your Partner - Healthline But there are certain factors you can control that may help increase your height or, Healthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical associations. Romantic relationships, and love in general, are complicated. I admit I was too much of a coward to bring it up and when I did work up the courage the time would be wrong. This will be a wall of text but theres a boulder on my chest and I feel if I don't let everything out somehow, I'm goin to go crazy. Your feelings could also relate to something more general, like them falling short of your expectations. If you suffer from depression, anxiety, or are highly sensitive, it can greatly influence your relationship. Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love for good! Instead, use I statements and other nonconfrontational methods of communication to address anger, frustration, and specific behaviors that upset you, like consistently coming home late without calling, in more productive ways. It would be my pleasure to put my experience and expertise to work for you; and to guide you step by step towards meeting your goals. If you have certain expectations of how you want them to act, it can also help to consider whether those expectations are, in fact, realistic. There are constant "if-onlys." Whether it is you, your partner, or both of you having these thoughts, it's a bad sign if there is always a sense that the relationship could be satisfying if only. If not properly addressed through healthy discussion or therapy, that anger may either be expressed unproductively (such as through personal attacks on our partner) or repressed." HISTORY: I started seeing my boyfriend, B, when I was 19. He needs to start improving himself, but dont be aggressive when you try to make him get to work. "Using extreme words like 'never' and 'always' indicate that weve given up on the possibility of change e.g. We don't really get along anymore. If it bothers you, you could try talking to them about it, but there may come a point when you have to figure out a way to get used to it if you want to maintain the relationship. He does nothing to improve himself though, so your hate just accumulates. Its clearly not fine, and ignoring a problem wont make it go away. Do you think that your boyfriend is responsible for your happiness? When A Guy Says You Are Amazing, What Does It Mean? Whenever I leave something out on the counter, I hear about it. Around this time I meet an old friend of mine, D and we become physically involved. Understandable. When you spend time with your partner, you should feel good about yourself not awful. Your ex is probably looking to get a reaction out ofyou one way or the other, especially if you have implemented a radio silence. I can't stop thinking about the time he drove 20 kilometers at 2am at night just to drop off cake to kill my cake craving. My family has fun memories with him. I think I want to break up with him but I'm scared. I believe till date that he would give me the last bite of food he has if I'd ask. Without it, you are just two people who are making each other unhappy for no reason. Once you have more awareness of what triggers hatred for your partner, you can talk to them about concerning behaviors that keep happening. 2nd time I cheated: This is five years into our relationsip. and it breaks my heart to see them hate each other. He compares you to her. Starting to hate my boyfriend : r/relationships - Reddit Embracing a healthy lifestyle and expressing yourself in a creative way can really make a difference. Since we're young we haven't made any steps toward that (no proposal or ring or . When two people care deeply for each other, spending as much time . Why we hate. I can't forget how he dropped his work just to go pick up my little sister when she was stranded somewhere and I couldn't make it. Dont always expect him to be the first to apologize either. She says that there are both obvious and not-so-obvious signs of trouble in paradise. This has taken a toll on me and, of course, our relationship. Some people have never lived alone. Or maybe there's something more subtle? You dont like his personality and the vibe he gives off, and that sparks hatred in you. You Never Want Sex This should raise a flag or two. Starting to hate my boyfriend | Lipstick Alley It's all downhill from there. We both held grudges, we had lost trust in each other, we were both deeply scarred by the other's actions and still B refuses to end the relationship. How do I end a relationship when we live together and I know he wouldnt be able to find housing on his own? He loved me more than he loved himself. Even if you felt like the two of you were compatible in the early phase of the relationship, quirks or shared interests that drew you to each other in the first place may seem less appealing as it becomes evident you dont have much in common after all. Maybe its something else though. Maybe you are hurt, angry, disappointed, betrayed, or confused. He does things that hurt me or I dont like the person hes become, 3. "When your relationship is failing or already dead you need an outlet," Astarte says. If you dont realize your worth or have low self-esteem, its probably whats makes you believe that you cant be happy alone. From what you said, you have communicated with him that it's something you don't like, and he is still doing it. Our past is honestly horrific and there are so many red flags that we both ignored early on into the relationship. Staying angry could be a way of taking revenge against an ex, or in other cases it could be a way . In a set of 2014 experiments, researchers found evidence to suggest that thinking about romantic partners can provoke both positive and negative emotions. My relationship with D by this point is an escape from a life with B which I find unbearable. Perhaps you were "once loath to leave each others company, even to use the bathroom, but now you avoid bumping into him or her in the kitchen." 1. A few hours ago he turned up outside my house at 1:00am (we don't live together) and created an enormous scene. Anything is better than saying things that you wont be able to take back afterward. He cant fulfill the role you have created for him and its making you unhappy, so you hate him for it. ", If you feel super bored when your partner tells you about their day, it's an indication that you are no longer invested in your partnership. But what about yesterday? Still woo-ing me, still looking after me etc. Boyfriend Types That Suck To Avoid Like the Plague | HeartSupport - Medium Hes used to living a certain way, and youre used to another. They may not be able to resolve your symptoms, but they can still support you with compassion and understanding. Its okay not to want to share your space, no matter how eager the other person is to do so. If you cant get physical space, a brief meditation or deep breathing can help calm you down and manage intense emotions more effectively. Dont get me wrong, I love him and hes really trying, but my room is a mess! And letting go of physical and emotional space is frustrating for you. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. We chat at 1. Think about it though. Its the only way your relationship can work and you need to realize that. That way, you put your feelings and your well-being in the hands of others. Clinical hypnotherapist, author and educator Rachel Astarte offers transformational coaching for individuals and couples at Healing Arts New York. And the business we have together. Once weve imagined this solitary life enough times, the reality is typically not far behind.". How to Break Up With Someone You Live With, How to Maintain Your Interpersonal Relationships, Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Boogers, and How to Remove Them. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Your boyfriend is just like you, a human being, and hes not obliged to bring happiness into your life. If you arent arguing and these emotions come up without warning, creating some distance can still help clear your head so you can think more calmly about what might be triggering those feelings. You feel like you hate him, but how does he feel? Shame on that man child 11 [deleted] 2 yr. ago [deleted] 2 yr. ago Maybe he cheated on you and now you want to be with someone else to get back at him. Cookie Notice I can't stop thinking about the care packages he would make for me and surprise me with whenever I felt unwell or under stress from work. Even the good things like going out for dinner or nights out with friends feel like a chore with him, I don't enjoy any of it. Despite spending nearly all your time together in those early days, you still felt like you werent getting to see them enough. When Your Partner Hates Your Dog: Addressing Disputes Over Pets You can interact with your ex but only if they come reaching out to you! Should We Break Up?, Manifesto This: A Case For Being Angry Again. Still, its important to remember that all relationships have their challenges, especially when one or both partners have a hard time expressing needs. Think of his willingness and desire to make you happy as a gift that you should appreciate. Your ex thinks that they know you and that you are incapable of making them happy in the long run; thats why they broke up with you. "When we are no longer happy in our relationships, we may dread walking through the door. He's texting or contacting her behind your back. and our As relationships grow older, though, they also need to morph in different ways. My boyfriend [20] and I [20f] have been together for almost 2 years. We were each others crutch, best friend, entertainment, lover and we truly completed each other. He then threatens to ruin my life, threatens the safety of my family, threatens to ruin my career. If nothing works, its better to end things than to stay in a loveless relationship. Well talk about all the probable reasons you might hate your man and ways to deal with it. If your partner hasnt done anything to cause your feelings, talking to a therapist on your own can help you identify possible reasons and helpful coping methods. That being said, he was still very caring and considerate. Perhaps youve justified this shift by asserting that "s/he does his/her thing, and I do mine," but that can be the start of a slippery slope. Just make sure you arent glossing over any serious issues, like substance misuse or financial difficulties, that affect both of you. Loving Separately: When Living Together Isn't Working - Everyday Health This is something you need to talk to a professional about, but there are other things you can try before turning to meds. Your boyfriend hit you because he lacks the ability to regulate his own emotions and expects you to handle them for him. Dont pretend that things are fine if youre still hurt because of something he did. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Dont worry because even those I hate my boyfriend thoughts youve been having dont have to mean that its the end. Reddit, Inc. 2023. 19. But the sadest part is, I did this to us. I don't know what to do. The fact that my boyfriend is a generally bad listener and plays video games for around 5 hours a day does not help. Ihateboys on Apple Music No matter how deeply you care for someone, they wont make you happy all the time. You and your ex broke up but you're still living together? The Real Reason You Can't Stop Hating Your Ex 7 Signs That You'd Be Better Off Ending a Relationship If you're feeling less than joyful about your relationship, it's likely that you've started tending to 'make your own plans.' "Perhaps when youre alone, you behave as though you are not in a relationship at all. 2023 Elite Communication Coaching, LLC. How can you possibly continue this relationship after seeing his true colours? He would buy me small presents as a surprise just to see me smile, he'd send me texts during the day with a warm encouraging message (I have a high stress job). Being observant is just part of a person's character. On the other hand, if hes always been the same, you might not be right for each other. He's a neat freak. He was handsome, funny, and really smart. Recently, I've found that I've just started liking him less and less. Understand that when youre feeling sensitive or sad, it probably isnt connected with your boyfriend. When it's his turn to take the bin down he will stall and stall until I give in and take it down because it's full and starting to smell. He didn't keep his place tidy before I moved in, but he swore he'd be better once living with me. You and your partner have a strong, committed relationship. Woe Is Me! LG: Dear No Room For Love, get over it. I understand that being a neat freak can be difficult. All rights reserved. For example, my parents will send a card to him on his birthday and ask how his family are doing and name them all.

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