I didnt like the manager. Its completely normal and smart to be clear on what you want from your job and your life and say no to jobs that arent in line with that. I hadnt wanted a traveling position, and was clear Id need more $$ if that was added in. Husband moved from a high COL area when we got married and our dollar definitely goes a lot further in our current city. And the cost of living in Texas is a lot less than CO. Watching a play live is typically a purposeful activity requiring planning, whereas binge-watching or other screen activities *can* be more aimless. There are plenty of ways to contribute to the world as a strong researcher, thinker, and communicator; choosing to do one of them instead is not selling out and is not failing. I always ask for a hotel room in the downtown area, rather than on campus, so I can gauge if its a place Id actually enjoy spending time. Sometimes things change on the employers end. Good luck! Can the Great Resignation change that? Now, to balance that, I moved to this area with small children and a husband, so making friends was a bit easier than when I was single, only because I met people at story times and school that I wouldnt have run into or had something automatically in common with. Dont get so entrenched in your plans that you hold yourself back. Or someone else will. Dont compromise on what you feel is important. I have a stay-at-home vacation next week, and I have one day scheduled for nothing but binging Netflix and eating pizza. And meanwhile, you arent choking down a food you cant stand. Keep it short, and then you wont be as tempted to get emotional and cry. Crying when turning down jobs may not be ideal, but jeez louise, its hardly a bridge-burner. There is a lot about doing so that is unpleasant finding housing on a less-than-awesome salary, making new friends and then saying goodbye again in two years, which was sort of an average tenure at small papers. So theyre asking themselves (and Alison!) I dont care how nice a hotel is I cannot sleep comfortably in someone elses bed. Ive also found that a lot of my passion work is better off as a side thing, fwiw. Acknowledging it (or not, depending on the person!) From my perspective, that was finesomeone else could have it! My mom and I had to rewatch season 1 of Dark before we started on season 2 because we were so confused and really needed to focus on what was happening and who was related to who. Your friend is being pretty judgmental its your job search, and your decision! You dont owe YOURSELF to take the job. So Ive seen it bounce all around. I ultimately decided to accept the 90+ minute commute, find time for myself when I can (gym and/or ukulele practice in the early, early AM before everyone awakes) and make the most of weekends and whats left of evenigns with the family. A resume that shows upward motion and gets you ready for the next step. Finally, be wary of the trap where you jump out of a frying pan and land in a fire. That means someone else can have it. I definitely want downtime to watch TV and just *be* almost every night maybe not 4 hours, but as Alison points out, we seem to be very judgy of things on screens. whats the pettiest thing youve done at work (or seen done)? I was a Communications major in college (closest it had to journalism) and worked for a local paper (the kind that thats 90 percent town hall meetings and upcoming car shows and 10 percent hard news) shortly after graduating. Yes! Some jobs that come with unpleasant conditions (travel, location, pay, hours whatever is unpleasant for you), only have those conditions at a problematic level for a while not forever. Salary and salary ranges are almost never mentioned in job descriptions* and salary is often the biggest make or break aspect of a job openingbut youll never find out the salary if you dont first apply and then get picked for an interview (and a second and third interview)**. Why did you apply? Learn from my mistakes. But I never expected that i would be so damn happy to be rejected by my dream job. While seeing any one of these five red flags could be enough of a reason to turn down the offer, if you see two or more then this isnt the job you were looking for. Sometimes people cant help but cry in the moment. Turn Down a Job Offer I did. I agree, and at the same time I also think crying while turning down a job shows a level of emotional investment that a job searcher is not expected to have. You have a therapist, so it sounds like youre working on taking care of yourself. Dont tell them you should offer it to someone who will enjoy it more and not dread it. I also have to ask myself if this person is going to cry when I have to correct their work or redirect then early on. Acquaintances found it baffling, but then most of them had wealthy parents to fall back on. When I moved to my current place, my rent was $1000/mo. You are at a different stage of life right now and youre learning more about your priorities. I still feel bad but I know my reasons. While of course its not an everyday thing, we dont as humans have the ability to turn off emotions at the office door. *In my experience, Id wager that 99.99 percent of the job openings Ive applied to in my field never include any sort of salary or salary range. I would suggest that you go back now and evaluate your current job in the context of what you have learned is important to you. They very well might get some takers on those terms. From my perspective, that was finesomeone else could have it! Sometimes those things are the reality of a field only at first you have to put up with them for a few years when youre getting started, but then you graduate out of them and sometimes theres the reality pretty much always. OP gave up too easily. At 25, they havent had that many years in the work force, I think its understandable that theyd have an emotional attachment to certain opportunities and react accordingly when disappointed. And no one will accept the job once they find out the truth during the interview process, so theyre not doing themselves any favors by not disclosing this earlier. Ive mentioned this here before, but I went through a hiring process that required me to select a salary band on the application. Ugh, thats is so obnoxious. Especially since OP is rejecting *them*. I interview recently for a job I would have loved, and it said zilch about travel. But youre currently working, so as long as your job is still bearable and not awful for your mental or physical health, youre probably not at that point. Especially for stuff like travel. Maybe someone is acting wrong, or I havent managed their work load well, or personal life is coming into the workforce and I need to take stuff of their plate so they can have personal time. However, it would move him back to Texas, which is where they want to be. Theyve also changed careers several times, and dont really know what they want an OK lifestyle if thats what you like, but I feel like its a lot more stressful and less stable, and if you dont enjoy it, at a certain point you need to limit yourself, mourn for what might have been a little, and then dig in a enjoy the life youve chosen and built for yourself. +1. And then I couldnt have leave because of the workload so it was basically sprinting for 18 months until I tapped out. And OP1 needs to be clear that turning down a dream job due to a need to travel domestically on two days notice means that said dream job is probably not going to come again. You will be strongly encouraged to attend this. My last job said 10% travel required which actually meant were going to have you go for a 1 week trip to another country, but youre not actually going to go home for 8 months. Hard nos. I have a friend who was interviewing for a job that would require relocation. Its really hard to give up on something and feel like a quitter or that youre not trying hard enough. Since its not uncommon for people to take a hiatus from their current field, I'm sure he'd understand without much explanation and would probably keep you in mind down the road. I highly recommend checking out Comm. I think Alisons partner analogy is spot on. And when thats the case, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Ive worked third shift in the past, but I wouldnt ever do it again. We didnt know how awful and soul sucking it was until it nearly drove my partner to a breaking point. I used to volunteer, run a side hustle and take dance classes after a 7-8 job. Yeah, thats what extended stay suite hotels are FOR. If theyre not very descriptive in the ad about the travel the role requires, then its not surprising that OP gets a shock when they tell her its a ton. So you dont want that job? the amount of travelling including with little warning/salary range on offer/expected hours and if it was *just* the location that wasnt ideal but the job came with a relocation bonus, good salary and generous PTO (so e.g. Yeeeeees absolutely. My job involves travel. I complained elsewhere on AAM about a grueling 7 week process where I was asked minimum, middle, and maximum (ha! And there were some flights that I was clutching the arm rest for sure. Do what works now, and perhaps be open to change in the future. No, it isnt. Ive traveled one week out of every month for the last five months, and each time, it takes me longer than a week to fully recover, and I wasnt even traveling far! I wish, given the realities of the job market, journalism schools spent any time at all telling people about them. I keep breaking my own heart by turning down great job offers Good things and good things for you are not necessarily the same thing, and thats fine! But if you are interested in journalism and find a small newspaper in a market close to where youd enjoy living, dont rule it out! Also, employers can just fire someone and effective that moment, someone has their income and livelihood just taken away. Or some kinds of travel are okay and others are not. They soften translation = you have to compromise on things., An acquaintance of mine (socially) couldnt make it to a major social event. If theyd been upfront during the interview, I probably would have opted out. It will require deadlines and little notice to jump on it. I said which one worked, it got noted, and the next day I got called into a series of (3) in person interviews with various departments (HR, Plant Manager, and actual managers Id report to). What does the editor mean by 'removing unnecessary macros' in a math research paper? I laid out my case very clearly and suggested to the hiring manager that it was best for him to fill this role with someone who would be eager to travel, not constantly dreading it, and told him I was heartbroken to reject the offer and greatly appreciated him extending it to me. Signed, I think we should always be taking stock of what we want out of life and work, because it ebbs and flows my friends who have young children talk a lot about what that has meant for their working life, for example. National Geographic had Seconds Until Disaster and it was amazing that it was never just one thing that caused a disaster, but an unbelievably complex string of completely unrelated events that caused a disaster. I told him, hell get it back when I have time to get to it since he didnt raise the proper protocol or ask me through the appropriate channels, and Im working on something more pressing that was submitted to me correctly. I interviewed for a job that required some travel. Rare is the job that has it all. Most recently I had an offer for a job that would be my childhood dream, great salary, great benefits, and great location everything I was looking for, except they asked for regular and relatively unplanned travel (I might have had to fly cross country on one or two days notice). I have to laugh at this because just keeping up with the twisty timeline in Dark took every ounce of my attention, plus it wasnt even in English. I said Id have to think about it. A good friend of mine recently experienced a bait-and-switch like that except he wishes his company would just pay for a short-term rental. Add a bit of praise that he has considered you and wish him well in the future. Its hard turning down an opportunity! (The job itself was quality control for cement trucks and garbage trucks coming off the factory line. I hope you can get help and find the right job for your needs. I suspect that a place with only a few days notice of travel would give you equally little notice that thats part of the job. Thank you! Edited by. In which case it doesnt make sense to be researching job opportunities in that field. 1. Ive turned out jobs that look amazing from the outside but during interviewing that just felt wrong. You want to keep the letter or conversation concise, but not abrupt. A job that has two or three days of travel a year is very different than a job that has two or three days of travel a week, and both might list in the job posting that travel is required. I can do occasional travel but I need notice at least a couple of weeks to arrange childcare. Well, no. they would regularly be able to take a half-day Friday and drive a few hours to see their family for the weekend), and otherwise the jobs ticked all of their boxes, they would have been able to work out how to make it work. If he isn't understanding and supportive after that, he's nobody you want to work with. Now with phobias I absolutely understand that logic is besides the point Im phobic about daddy-long-legs, which are utterly unable to harm anyone but a less full-on fear might well be helped by understanding more about the industry. The probationary period is just as much for you as it is for the employer. Yes, all of this. This was 2008 and in the thick of the recession, so I didnt want to turn down the job outright. He was an immaculate researcher. You can list why you want to turn the offer down to relieve your mind. I think we need to remember that even the strictest religions and philosophies mandate downtime, and that Buddhism often seen as the key to peace demands it! ranges for me to work there. What can I do? I guess maybe if it was a one-year appointment that paid 5-10X my current salary and I could go back to what I do now after the one year? 9. Were so weird about things on screens.). Last Updated November 5, 2021 Guide Overview A Guide to Turning Down Jobs With Your Reputation Intact Getting a job offer is always flattering: of all the Oh, I agree! I heard often when I was considering my current career, and in grad school, that no one gets into this field to get rich, and I thought to myself, thats fine, if I wanted to get rich I would have tried to be an investment banker or something.. Im with you. But in my experience, if youre in a position to hold out for what you really want, its worth it to turn down other opportunities even if it feels like a crisis in the moment. Whether declining a job offer over the phone or by email, youll want to be prepared with a concise, respectful talking track. Its also sometimes just hard to know your dealbreakers until youre facing them down. How does "safely" function in "a daydream safely beyond human possibility"? Can you reduce your hours or offload some duties to make it less stressful? Intense disappointment and frustration are going to make lots of people cry, and I know when I was 25 I wouldnt have been able to be Ms. Super Composed either. I cant control my sneezing, so would it be unprofessional to sneeze? Its very unfortunate that in my field and in many others, its about a 50/50 shot if salary range is posted at all even for more senior positions. Not taking the job is NOT a referendum on your worthiness or professionalism or value. Or maybe they hoped there was enough advance notice to drive or take a train, or enough advance notice to have a session with the therapist For example, of course a small newspaper needs you to live local and isnt going to pay much. She had assumed the COL would make the salary go further since the new location was much smaller; it would not.). Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures. Word to your last sentence. The are two caveats here. turning down this job opportunity revisit this with you later on. If this is (say) news or news-adjacent (based on OPs other job possibilities, this seems more than possible), its probably truly non-negotiable. When I interviewed for my insurance job nearly five years ago, I had no doubts about it. They could be written by an underpaid, overworked HR lackey who doesnt know the nuances that a specific role needs. Take Time To Explain Your Decision Most HR professionals love it when their mentee, employee or even prospective hire lands their dream job! Thirded Mentour Pilot is an excellent resource. Person who also cries when refusing job offers. I went from Low, to High, to lower, to high AF. Market rate is somewhat fluid. Im also an EA, which surprised me when I found out there were multiple times Id need to stay in a hotel and/or take a flight somewhere. I worked in that position for over 2.5 years and got less than $2000 in bonuses total, and $1450 of that was the budget bonus that got paid out to me AFTER Id already left the job for my current job. Failure to plan for an accept the trade off is what gets us in trouble. I dont know anyone who favors punching the walls or yelling slurs over crying. Thats smart! Step 1 might have some really unpleasant downsides, for a year or two. Its also a job, and a job in an industry where a lot of people will be out to get as much as they can from you and give you as little as possible in return other than the satisfaction of working in the industry at all. I know you didnt mean to have your one sentence turn into a large response, however I did feel the need to share that I think crying at work isnt something we can control enough to say its professional or not. Quality of life and pay are both excellent reasons to turn down jobs. Both options are legitimate for me. There was no hesitation on my part when they offered me the job I knew I was accepting it even if they wouldnt budge on salary (they did) and PTO (ditto). In comparison, the job I took paid $70k. Ill never fully feel resolved about it. I agreed to one because it did sound like work I had done in the past. Munchkin cannot stay home alone so we would need one of our mothers to come and stay and that takes time to arrange. Thats how its supposed to work. There have been plenty of letters and comments here about people being pre-emptively rejected for jobs and chastised by potential employers! IT worked for a while, but certainly held me back career-wise. Name that range. Also newspapers pay you peanuts and youre usually always in jeopardy of being part of their next layoffs, dont take a pay cut to work for one, ever. If the job is great BUT theres a huge part of if thats NOT great, its not a great job. Second is the tax implications. Hard same. Yup. +1 on all points. Hi [name], Hey LW, I totally understand what youre going through, with the dear of travelling. In the last few weeks of work on my dissertation I couldnt even watch lighthearted comedies anymore, I was down to youtube videos. I cant tell if anxiety is the bigger problem or the desire for work life balance. WHYYYYYY have the candidate select a range?! And with those tradeoffs are choices. Career Feeling Ashamed of Being Unemployed Am I afraid of telling people that I am out of work? Yet the employer would have the nerve to get upset when given a courtesy two-week notice when theyd usually just be inconvenienced, but not have to worry about paying the bills or providing for their selves or family. As long as youre not desperately in need of accepting whatever you can get, it is a sign of maturity and self respect to turn down roles that dont meet your financial or work/life balance goals. Its just as well I didnt get an offer. Happy. Its okay to decide what you, personally, need in a job, even if its different from your friends. Fortunately, with Glassdoor and Ask A Manager and many other ways to research salaries online, its easier to be clued in but in my experience, nonprofits and people who work in them are not very forthcoming with how low the salaries can be. Not all small newspapers will offer this balance, but Ive found a surprising number of them here in the rural Midwest that will. Its hard to feel like Im not giving up on some grand dream of becoming a writer as I pictured it when, in actuality, that is such a tiny sliver of people working full-time in my field. Within three months she asked me for help finding a new job. Thats where my personal capabilities run out. update: is my job the problem or is it me? The Workplace Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for members of the workforce navigating the professional setting. But, yeah, sometimes (ok, a lot of times) thats legitimately all my brain and body are capable of after an 8 hour workday. For me, itd be constant travel. Is this normal at 25? It was really hard for me to transition to getting waaaay fewer breaks. Their plan was for this person to visit all 4 sub-companies once a quarter for a total of 8 days of travel per quarter. By clicking Accept all cookies, you agree Stack Exchange can store cookies on your device and disclose information in accordance with our Cookie Policy. Maybe if during all of my informational interviews with those exact individuals, if they had been more transparent about the finances instead of saying things like You wont be living high on the hog / you wont get rich, I would have known better than to pursue it in the first place. I have been going to therapy for a year and a half, and probably will keep going for a while. You can look at my profile for more info, but I turned down an offer that would have been 15-25% more than what I am making right now, in a more recognized company, in a better role. If you depression is bad enough that it is affecting your work performance (and noticeably enough that someone that knew you from years ago would notice) then get help today. But if youre encountering the same problems repeatedly in your industry, it might be more of a systemic problem. Turn Down a Job Offer Then when they turn out to have some quirks that make them a bad fit, youre agonizing over the loss of your soul mate. Because the OP mentioned anxiety, I just want to add that if she takes a step back and feels like her stress levels are insanely high when processing jobs and that anxiety is pushing it up therethat would be a great thing to work through with the therapist. This is pretty industry-specific. I just hope shes looking in the right directions. To be fair, everyone from Kafka to Toni Morrison to Roxane Gay had / have day jobs as well as being writers. Plus I get a big blanket out of it. 5) Twenty six times a year, something nice arrives in my mailbox. Ive pretty much assumed I dont have a future at that company if another job were to come up.. so in that sense it doesnt really matter. But I hear you. As a counterpoint, I love intense jobs, would not want to work 9-5, and enjoy business travel. Ive turned down jobs at companies and consider it a bridge burned, whether or not I cried (or any other reaction) while turning down the job! I enjoyed it but the pay was below food stamp levels, my manager ordered us to lie on timesheets, etc. Thank you, Alison :). If you wait too long, the hiring company might contact another candidate and offer them the job. He does not need to know. Mid-30s Me although shed very much like the extra money that comes from such candle-burning just cannot keep up that pace anymore for mental and physical health reasons. My one caveat: When are you finding out this information? I cry when Im angry alll the time, its embarrassing. Make sure you want to decline the job offer The first (and probably most important) step: make sure you want to say no. Its a challenge Im facing tooseeing myself change throughout my 20s can feel weird. As much as you can, hold back from starting them at a 10 and letting them disappoint you. Turn Down a Job Offer Major regrets turning down a better offer. Is it worth talking to him?

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